| FYI |
[27 Jul 2003|12:39am] |
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Once I switch to my new computer for college, I will be deleting this journal. I don't really write in it anymore, it's only used to check up on friends. So although the journal will no longer exist, I'll keep all of your journals under my favorite places. So don't think I've stopped reading! ILYguys.
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| grrr |
[04 Jul 2003|10:15pm] |
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mood |
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I tried to put in this cool firework-color-thing I had in my old journal from july 4th, but it won't work. So go to www.freeopendiary.com and look up piglet'spen and then last year's july 4th entry....I promise, it's pretty!
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[01 Jul 2003|05:11pm] |
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Amanda
The name of Amanda has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature. You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. At times, you are very inspired, desiring to be with people and to entertain others as the "life of the party," while at other times you are aloof and choose to remove yourself entirely from association. You crave understanding and affection but your intensity of desire and your self-consciousness prevent you from finding the happiness you desire. You have suffered many disappointments and misunderstandings because of your inability to express your inner thoughts. You could experience sensitivity in the heart, lungs, or bronchial organs, causing tuberculosis, asthma, or depletion of your energies.
Other people see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or too easily, but someone who is extremely loyal to the friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize that it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but, equally, that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is shaken.
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| stuff Kimmie wrote |
[21 Jun 2003|12:44pm] |
Kimmie's Writings!
Life for me has been filled with a multitude of
events and experiences. The good as well as the bad have helped strengthen me, granting me the knowledge that comes from success and failure. All that I've learned has been useful to me. Looking back, I don't think I'd ever change a thing. Between the transcendent highs and the abyssal lows of my life, I've always been fortunate enough to have the internal strength and the undying support from God, my devoted family, and amazing friends.
I'm still relatively young by many standards, but my own life has been filled with vivid memories that will last several lifetimes. Through all of this, I've realized that no matter what I do, where I go and who I meet; as long as I'm moving forward in life, then everything will fall into place. There is only a direction. There is no destination.
YOU SIMPLY LIVE AND LEARN.There is no
crystal ball. No foreshadowing of what my life will be like. No definitive yes or no. You can only learn from experience.
Another chapter in my life is finished. High school will remain a cherish memory of the four years of my life. I'll always remember all the wonderful teachers who taught me more than just Math and English. I'll always remember all the laughters and crazy time with my friends as well as the tears and sadness. The years had gone by so quickly, it seem like only yesterday that I was a freshman. A new chapter has begin and I'm well on my way??
The first rays of sunlight touched my exposed skin and the warmth became something much more than just a feeling. The perennial resurgence of life was invigorating and refreshing to witness. Within those folds of sunshine came energizing waves of strength and life. The birth of another new season with the arrivals of blooming flowers showed that even in the hardest of times, those hardships can be overcome and conquered.
Summer time is almost here and its time to start anew. Each new season is simply a terrace building upon the foundation and experiences of old. I've been very blessed to witness another season unfold. The culmination of my past experiences have built the base on which I stand. And here I have stood, shouting into the storm when its harsh winds lashed me with its brute force and I've also stood here basking in the sunlight when times were favorable.
Today another part of my life changes for the better. The change comes at a most opportune time in my life, when I not only have the motivation to initiate this kind of change, but the steely will to follow completely through as well.
When I think about the friends I've met throughout the years, the stories I've come across, or the lives of real people who have helped me grow and re-evaluate my own perspectives on so many things, I give THANKS. And I hope that what I write here does someone good or help you know you're not the only one alone out there.
Of all the friends I've come across, I'm touched to see that many of you strive towards happiness and learning the value of what our parents paid so that we may work towards the achievement of our own dreams. Sometimes tomorrow is too late and apologies to God are never enough. Amidst all the chaos, greed, and hate out there, life really is beautiful. I hope all of you find your own happiness and purpose in life. Thank you for reading and sharing the love of writing with me.
My heart still struggles to speak the language of my head, and this is an ongoing battle, but at least it is a battle now. It became a battle once I decided to fight. I think about what might have happened had I never reached this stage in my life, and it scares me to know that by now, I may have been rotting away somewhere in a marble box under the earth. But this memory that I love.. this ghost.. I find myself painfully wanting to share these feelings with them. This new self. And in my weakest of moments I find myself pathetically thinking that if perhaps I was the me I am now, and was stronger and had more respect for myself, they might have loved me better.
Everything falls out of perspective sometimes.
Whenever someone asks me how I have been feeling lately, I find it to be a question almost impossible to answer. This is a growing process. This is where I was meant to be. They said pain deepens you and it is one of the truest things I have ever heard. I am learning to live my life with no regrets over yesterday and no worries for tomorrow. What would be the point anyway? I know that happiness awaits me someday, because I am slowly learning to be happy and satisfied with who I am, and this means the absolute world to me. I am not owned by my pain or regrets. It took me so long to turn all the heartaches and pains into something remotely positive.. to learn from it.. and continue to grow from everything it is still teaching me. How can I even regret pain? Perhaps it was a necessary hurt. I was stung it help me realize who I truly am and where I stand. I cannot believe how much I was willing to fight for love and happiness, and maybe it was too much, but it in this day and age it was probably impressive nonetheless. My only task in the future will be to know whether what I am fighting for is worth it or not. I am happy I have become this person.
I didn't always see love or life the way I do now. I honestly wanted 'the fairytale', and for love to fall magically and effortlessly into place someday. I needed to be with someone with passion to awaken this wild & untamed hunger I possess, and make me realize how I really feel about love. It is amazing how the same pain that can send you crumbling to pieces, and strip you of your self-esteem, has the ability to make you so much stronger in the end. I still have worries sometimes about how emotionally-impaired I may have become even if only temporarily. But, alas, I know I have only become hardened, and not stone. From my self-esteem plumetting as it did, my confidence is now more apparent than ever. Confident in just being me. My heart has pieced itself back together just enough to grow fists and knock these ugly self-worth consuming demons to the ground. I have acquired this simple refusal to let anything attempt to destroy me anymore. I tell the pain that I am much more than the feelings it tries to tear my soul apart with.
I feel free in a sense. Free to be myself and discover who I am. I can envision one day, I will become everything I have always wanted to be at least inside. I'm falling in love with this girl.. with myself.. and in this entirely non-narcissistic though ragingly beautiful way. I am learning what it means to love yourself. Someday I will not only find a happiness that will be underlying even through hurt and sadness, but I will be able to actually say that 'I love me'. And whilst the last love may not have been my true destination, it might have been another pawn, amongst the madness of my journey to lead me where I should truly be. Perfection does not exist, however, at least I can say I am begining to feel comfortable in my own skin.
??Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.?? Helen Keller
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People fight with and insult each other for simply having their own opinions. It sickens and disgusts me. This is one of the reasons the world is the way it is in the first place.. because many people have NO respect for the individuality and personal opinions of another human being. I wish for peace on earth, but PEACE does not mean insulting and hating others who do not completely agree with you. Hate is no way to end other hate, but to produce more, and continue the flow of constant negativity. People who are even remotely using the word hate in the same sentence they use the word peace truly have alot of nerve.
I wish for one day the entire world to be free, to be in peace, and for us to be more evolved as human beings.
The problem is all of us. It is we as an entire human race. Until we can evolve to the point where there is no more greed, hate, power-hungry and religion-crazy maniacs, then we can peacefully work through our differences and come to an agreement that does not involve massive violence and bloodshed. It is a WORLD EFFORT that would take each country coming together and consciously deciding on this, deciding to cut the greed and power non sense, to give everyone the right to be different - to make their own decisions as long as they do not hurt anyone else - and believe in what they want to believe in - to be accepting of all these differences, and agree to solve all problems through negotiations as peacefully as possible. It is much more complicated and not so simple I agree, and I fear this planet will destruct all together before this ever happens. Although I hope for one day.. I make this wish for all my descendants. Until then what I can do as an individual person is work on my character, try not to hate, be a little more selfless, fill my heart with love, and embrace all the differences surrounding me including the opinions of others. This is supposed to be America. It frightens me when people emphasize this, yet can not recognize individual rights of other people without bashing them. It defeats the purpose of peace and freedom entirely. ___________________________________________
One of the things that I was thinking about when I observed people. I've met a lot of people in my life and I thank the powers that be for introducing me to them and them to me no matter what the medium of introduction was. I've met so many people who have influenced me and challenged me to change and I am thankful to them because they have all challenged me to grow. However, very few people have ever made me think. Very few people have ever made me stop and spend a few minutes (or more) wondering about what lies behind the words and the story that I've been fed. This isn't to say that I don't spend my time listening to what other people say because that is not true. What I'm saying is that few people toss a mental gauntlet in my direction whether or not they intended to and most people do not pique my curiousity. My emotions, perhaps. My curiousity? Very rarely. Most people are easy to figure out if you spend but a few minutes in their presence.
Most people are like the mirrors in department or boutique stores. They slim you down and make you think you look better than you really are. They play upon your insecurities thus making you do what they want you to do which is to buy into what they are selling you. These mirrors are very misleading because they only let you see what you want to see because that is their very nature. They do not tell you the truth but rather they feed you something that you want to accept as the truth and if you accept it, then you are there to manipulate whether or not you know it.
Some people are like the fun house mirrors you might find in a traveling carnival. They distort what you think you see and what you know is there but because of their very nature, you tend to second guess your initial instinct and are forced to wonder if what you see in it's twisted depths is really what stands in front of it. You are forced to take a closer look at the schematics of the mirror in order to formulate a better understanding of how it works. Things aren't always what they seem even if they are staring you in the face. While these mirrors do make you think and question what you are force fed as the "truth", the only danger is that you might spend so much time questioning what you see, you might not ever recover from the experience. You then run the risk of becoming one of the lost ones, destined to wander through the Hall of Mirrors in the carnival forever simply because you no longer know what is real because you've lost all trust in your intuitions and judgement.
However, there are mirrors that exist that will show you everything clearly but there might be a catch.
Some people are like a mirror right after a hot shower. You can't really see what's hidden behind the fine layer of condensation that blurs and conceals but if you have the patience, then you need only to wait for a few minutes before all is revealed. These mirrors will reflect not only your flaws but what makes you beautiful. These mirrors are not for everyone because mirrors like these do not only show you the twisted and ugly sides of your personality but they also show you all that is beautiful about you. Most people are so used to seeing only one aspect of themselves so when they are presented with both sides, they really don't know what to do with it. They don't know how to accept the bad with the good and vice versa. However, if you can stand the reflection mirrors like these throw at you, then that is when you this particular mirror is a keeper.
The question now is: Can you handle it?
___________________________________________
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. Alan Cohen
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[20 Jun 2003|06:15pm] |
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how many days till i leave for college???
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[19 Jun 2003|04:28pm] |
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I'm no longer in high school. holy shit.
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[07 Jun 2003|10:38pm] |
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I started a new journal. Again. I'll keep this one for my favorites and stuff, but I had to write somewhere else. One day I should really compile all these journals....it'd be an interesting read.
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| growing up |
[26 May 2003|08:26pm] |
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mood |
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"the remedy" (but I always think its my cell ringing. heh) |
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"Nothing is ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out, who to love or hate, who to trust. It's just like the more I know the more confused I get."
"I believe that's what is called Growing Up."
"I'd like to stop then....okay, does it ever get easy?"
"You mean life? What do you want me to say?"
"Lie to me."
"Yes, it's terribly simple: the good guys are always startright and true. The bad guys are easily distingused by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after."
".....Liar."
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[22 May 2003|07:27am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Jason Mraz |
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God, so much has gone on- prom, my senior trip, my senior spring concert, bbb auditions, etc.....too much to catch up on. ::sigh:: I need to remember to write!
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| last minute thought... |
[08 May 2003|10:11pm] |
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something just struck me. I was checking away messages, and someone I know keeps referring to eating disorders like they're funny. Like it's some joke. And that pisses me off to the nth degree (yes, nth- I'm a math geek). I saw what anorexia and bulemia did to Laura. How much time she spent in the hospital, the problems she still has eating and with her self-image....I saw her friends leave one by one, not knowing how to help me and getting frustrated. I saw her try and beat the disease, but hating herself everytime she ate. Knowing she had to gain weight to leave the hospital but wanting to throw up everytime someone put a nutrient bag in her IV. You know what? It's not funny. It's really not. We have to do a project in physiology on diseases, and I think I might do eating disorders and ask Laura to talk to me about her stuff....and then purposely post it somewhere where he'd read it. Cause ya know what? When it's personal, it's not a laughing matter.
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| Wow. I'm pure. I'm sure college will change that. Heh. At least I hope it will ;-) |
[08 May 2003|10:07pm] |
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Simple Plan- "I'm addicted to you" |
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| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 91.7%
Never taken out of the packaging | 61.7% | | Shamelessness | 95.2%
Has yet to see self in mirror | 76.9% | | Sex Drive | 100%
| 75.1% | | Straightness | 98.2%
Just go fuck something, okay? | 40.5% | | Gayness | 98.2%
Repressed, are we? | 79.6% |
| Fucking Sick | 97.3%
Refreshingly normal | 88% |
You are 94.88% pure
Average Score: 69.7%
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[29 Apr 2003|06:38pm] |
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John Mayer mix cd |
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With everything being so crazy during spring break, I didn’t get a chance to write. And now everything seems so long ago and forgotten. I remember KOS the most, I guess. I know that I enjoyed tech week but felt alienated from everyone. I had fun at the diner on Friday night sitting with the seniors for the first time, but that the mistakes made during the show pissed me off because Alex was there. And for some unknown reason, I always need his approval. I say he angers me and that I don’t want to talk to him, but I know that’s not true. I miss talking to him, and wish we could be the way we used to be. I had fun Saturday, but IHOP frustrated me. There’s always so much drama with theater people, and I can’t stand that. Plus a;ways feel more isolated when we go out because I’m not really friendly with anyone. Graduation was sad. I didn’t think I’d cry as much as I did. It’s hard to describe- because when Em siad in her speech that no one truly understands it unless they’ve been there, she was right. Ger understood, but none of my friends can. But that night for the first time I felt like a part of the group, and it was all over. Emily said nice things about every senior and talked about how I was her backstage Mommy. When I went to say goodbye to her she was like "I know you'll make a fantastic OT- you are the best at helping other people. Stay that sweet forever." Mike made us all cookies and ran over to hug me goodbye. You've gotta love him. He was like "MOMMY! This is my mommy. She's nice." Heh. Megan cried saying goodbye to me, so then I cried. I cried saying goodbye to so many people. It’s sad not knowing when you’ll see them again. I want to get my pictures developed soon so I can post them in my album. I can’t put it into words, but I wish I could. ::sigh::
And now this month is crazy. Something to do everyday. APs. Prom. Trip. Auditions. It never ends.
So I’ll end this here. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more frequently soon. I don’t know, I just haven’t felt the urge to write as much anymore…
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[21 Apr 2003|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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sounds of the tv downstairs |
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I finally have a prom date. Which is a huge fucking sigh of relief. And I enjoy him, so we'll have fun. He should have been higher on my original list, lol. We booked a limo and made all the necessary appointments, so now I'm excited. Our table's not so hott, but we'll be around Rach and KatieB and people, so it'll be all good. I went to Victoria Secret today to buy stuff to go under my dress and it took 1 hour to fit me. I swear, I have no chest. Lol. And right now I'm procrastinating, because I really don't want to do bio homework. But I really need to read 1 chapter tonite. That way tonite I do 1 chapter, tuesday I do 1 stat test, wednesday I read the other bio chapter, thursday I do 1 stat test(2 if possible), friday I do 1 stat test, over the weekend do 1 or 2 more. Then Monday re-read bio and I'm all set. I swear, homework over break should be illegal- I'm so stressed!
I think KOS is stressing me out. I'm not really enjoying myself- I don't feel part of any group (although I'm sooooo happy I'm in the small dressing room), the show is looking bad, I get angry cause I can't remember dance steps, everyone there seems to be depressed and that makes me angry, rehearsals are loooong....I don't know. Those are all such superficial reasons....I don't think that's *really* why. But who knows.
Okay, there's more I could write but I really need to get some work done. Sweet dreams.
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| The end of an era |
[13 Apr 2003|09:06pm] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
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music |
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the AccuRadio broadway channel |
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So today marked my last day as a PHS drama club member. And I cried. Which is so unusual for me. But it's been seven shows that I've done there....which is alot. Technically as a high schooler I could have done 11, but still, 7 of 11 isn't bad. The last scene in the show is this part where we say goodbye....it's about "telling our last story" and "closing our books" and stuff....and I bawled all the way through it. Then again when they suprised us with presents. I love so many of those people- especially my underclassmen. Jaclyn, Laura, Jackie, Dee, Gizz, Kat, Kace....all of them. Even the ones like Brit and Mands and Christine, who didn't do this show. It was so wierd, cause it doesn't feel like I'll never be on that stage again....it's like a second home to me. We took a picture of the drama hallway, cause I think I've spent at least 2/3 of all my extracurricular hours sitting there. ::sigh:: It was such an emotional rollercoaster of a day. And now, sitting here and knowing I should really be cleaning or studying.....I can't grasp that I need to go to school tomorrow. With no rehearsal. (Actually, thats not true, we have breakdown, but you know what I mean) As much as I hated it sometimes......I'm gonna miss it. <333
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[03 Apr 2003|05:20pm] |
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Honk- "Every tear a mother cries" |
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I haven't been able to write in awhile- it's been crazy here. So much homework, some drama, way too over-emotional. I dunno. Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything just seems to collide in your head at once? My brain is a mess of dizzying streaks of thought and emotion, all crumbled into one massive discord, and I can't tell where one stops and the next begins.
I find myself crying really easily lately. Everything seems to set me to tears. It sucks, cause I usually don't cry often. But lately....I swear, I'm like a freakin waterfall or something. ::sigh:: And something relatively new, I find myself craving affection often. I was never really one of those girls who wanted a b/f desperately, but I think because prom is around I feel myself longing for one. Which makes me feel useless and dependent, but I'd like to think I'm not. And I find myself missing old friends lately. I've lost touch with some people- and it never really bothered me. But now.....you know that quote, "Somehow, the conversation mentioned your name. And someone asked if I knew you. Looking away I thought of all the times we had together; sharing laughter, tears, jokes and tons more. And then, without explanation you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer, and then said softly, 'Once...I thought I did.'" It's sad. Heh. And I've been really bad about treating my friends well lately, so I apologize. I've been really bitchy for some reason, and y'all didn't deserve it. I think I felt left out and like I had no true friends, but I know that some of you will always be there. So thank you. :-)
And now, I'm going to go. Cause this has been a pointless entry. But it's okay. Cause sometimes, ya gotta have some of those.
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[31 Mar 2003|08:59pm] |
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Fame- "Bring on Tomorrow" |
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In our lifetime, we have the good fortune to cross paths with a few individuals who impact us in such a way that our lives are forever changed for having known them.
To this day, all my close friends are some of the most incredible individuals I've had the privilege of meeting. During my time with them, they inspired me, moved me, and made me see the world in such a different light. They gave me a fresh perspective on the meaning of life, love and true friendship. THANK YOU for being the wonderful person that you are. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU SO VERY MUCH!
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You always wonder if the decisions you make are the right ones. But who’s to say a decision is right or wrong? I believe that the choices we make are neither right or wrong nor are they better or worse. The only difference in the decisions we make lies in the outcome.
I didn’t always think this way. I used to believe there were definitive right and wrong choices. There was black or white, either or.
So often I’ve prepared the pros vs. cons list in making some very important decisions in my life. What college to go to, what to major in, what job to take, where to move next, is he right for me. Over the years, I’ve come to realize the decisions I’ve made haven’t necessarily been right or wrong. Nor better or worse. They just are.
Right now, I’m faced with a certain dilemma. Choices I have to make about my future. Where I want to be, what I want to focus on, what makes me happy. I tell myself I don’t want to look back years from now regretting the decisions I make today. But regret is such a waste of time and energy. You can’t turn back the clock. You can’t take back those minutes, those hours, those days. You can’t wish things were different or continually ask yourself what if.
And yet I find myself doing it fairly often.
So what if I do take this road instead of the other? Will I end up hating my life or feeling as though I’ve settled? What joy will it give me and what kind of toll will it take on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually? Will I find fulfillment in what I do? In the end, what will it all amount to?
I ask myself these questions over and over again and the answer is always the same.
You simply live and learn. There is no crystal ball. No foreshadowing of what my life will be like. No definitive yes or no’s. I can only learn from experience.
I don’t know if that makes sense to any one else out there, but this is what works for me. Just gotta go with your gut feeling and not ponder away your thoughts on the gazillion what ifs and maybes. Part of what makes life so interesting is taking those chances and seeing where it’ll take you.
Life’s definitely one hell of a roller coaster ride so far, and it's just the beginning.
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Most people are fortunate if they have one or two people who they can regard as true friends. Those who without fail are there to support and encourage you in a moment’s notice. Those who have stood by your side time and time again, even in your darkest hours. Those friends who come to your rescue when you don’t even realize just yet how desperately you need them at that point. Those who know all too well your many inadequacies and weaknesses and still love you for it.
In all honesty, I don’t deserve these friends in my life. Sometimes I have to wonder why they even put up with me. But I’m always grateful that they do.
I know a lot of people tend to base the value of friendships on how often you keep in touch. But I, being as terrible as I am with staying in touch, would have to argue otherwise. My closest friends are the ones I can call up and see every two or three weeks and talk as if no time had passed since our last conversation. But sometimes I'm one of those people who require a daily form of communication and are in need of constant interaction....what a contradiction.
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My problem is I expect too much. In fact, my expectations are usually so high, they’re impossible. And with such expectations come heartache and disappointment like you’d never believe. So over the past year or so, I’ve learned to lower my expectations. I adapted the nonchalant attitude toward everything and everyone. You do your thing. I’ll do mine. Whatever happens, happens. No big deal.
I tried to explain to a very good friend of mine once why I was so terrible at keeping in touch. Why I sometimes come across as if I didn’t care at all.
The problem is I care too much.
If you don’t expect anything from me, I can’t hurt you. And vice versa. It’s safe. It’s a lame and wimpy way to live life, but I needed to feel safe after having been hurt so many times and having hurt and disappointed so many others.
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There are too many secrets in this world and too many people who trust me with theirs. In the past two weeks alone, I can’t count how many conversations have started off with, "You can’t tell anyone else this . . ." And before the sentence is even completed, I already know I’ve gotten stuck in the crosshairs of something potentially harmful.
I feel like Pandora’s box, but no key will open up its secrets. Trust is something I don’t take lightly. That of mine in others and those who place it in me.
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Some things are worth fighting for. But I’m not sure this is one of them. Only time will tell...
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The more I get to know people, the more their true colors are revealed. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not.
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You feel like there’s only so much of this you can take, and yet you can’t pull yourself away.
A n d s o , t h i s i s l i f e .
Ups and downs.
Twists and turns.
Expectations and surprises.
Decisions and consequences.
Friends and foes.
Wins and losses.
Disappointment and hope.
Good and bad.
Here and now.
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Even before the words make it off the tip of my tongue, I know I can't quite say what I want to say the way I want to say it. I’ve never been eloquent with spoken words. Never.
But put a sheet of paper in front of me and hand me a ballpoint pen, and the words just seem to roll off the tip as naturally as it is for me to breathe in and breathe out.
I wish I had that kind of eloquence and ease when trying to express verbally the matters weighing heavily on my heart. But instead, it comes out as sarcastic remarks, cheesy comments, or empty sentences. No wonder I try not to talk too much.
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| War |
[27 Mar 2003|07:54pm] |
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music |
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Dixie Chicks- "More Love" |
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The world is so scary. Yet I don't realize it most of the time, which makes me feel so naive. We are at war. Those words sound so final, so terrible. Yet here- we don't really feel it. Everyday we go to school, to work, out to eat.... but over there....people fight. People die. Children die. Boys who are merely teens lose their lives. They'll never get married. Or have children. Or graduate college. Or see the world, fulfill their dreams. T's exboyfriend is a POW. I think. The details are still sketchy. But no one at school seems much affected. Hello, two years ago this boy walked through our halls everyday. He sat at our desks, ate in our cafeteria.....and now he's at war. Fighting. Killing. Trapped. It's all so surreal.
Just look out around us
People fightin' their wars
They think they'll be happy
When they've settled their scores
Let's lay down our weapons
That hold us apart
Be still for just a minute
Try to open our hearts
More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love
--Sweet dreams tonite. Especially to those on the battlefield: both ours and theirs.--
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| Men |
[23 Mar 2003|12:16pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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music |
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"Marry me a little"- Company |
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So I've decided something- guys who are talented at something are sexy. Whether it be at sports, or writing, or acting..... But the best are guys who sing. I find a guy who can sing so attractive. Like the reverend in Footloose at OB- omg. He had the most gorgeous voice. I was like "wow. can I take him home?" Lol. Their Ren was sexy too. But yeah- but I think that's why I always fall for gay guys! Cause I love guys who can sing, but that means that they do theater when I meet them, which (stereotypically, I know) means there's a good chance they may be gay. If that makes *any* sense. Heh. Yes, I just felt like sharing that. So if you know a boy who can sing and wants to go to prom.... :-)
<33
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| ho-hum |
[22 Mar 2003|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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me trying to learn a new audition song.... |
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So I now lack a prom date. Which is stressful. Because my prom date possibility list keeps getting shorter and shorter:
Alex (has lifeguard recertification till 8pm)
Brian (haven't talked to in 2 months)
Ryan (has a Papermill performance)
Joey
Kevin (is in IL)
Nicholas (we don't talk anymore)
Stephen (too young)
Kos boys (don't talk to any of them)
So yeah. I'm stressed. And not.....mad at Alex, but upset. It's odd, I never thought about anyone else taking me to prom but him- and now suddenly I have to. He definately owes me a date.
One week till I talk to Janet about my audition- a little nervous.
Tons of homework. I need to get an A on both my next test and lab in Bio to get my A back. Stress.
Going out tonite with Amanda- I'm excited, I never talk to her but she's such a sweetheart.
::sigh:: I should go. Much love <3
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| Dream List |
[16 Mar 2003|10:43pm] |
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mood |
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determined |
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music |
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"One Brick at a Time"- Barnum |
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So a long time ago I wrote a list of parts I want to play before I die....I updated it some, cause I needed some inspiration to get my lazy-ass of the couch to drop some weight and to find an audition song.
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Footloose: Vi/Urleen
BIG: Mrs. Baskin
Into the Woods: any part
Godspell: any part
Little Shop: one of the trio
Fame:Serena
Children of Eden: Yonah, Eve
My Favorite Year: KC
HONK: Ida, Penny
Chess: Svetlana
A Chorus Line: Maggie
Joseph: narrator
Company: any part
.....and I'm sure I could come up with more!.....
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